I don't want Life to pass me by

I'll be completely honest with you -- I suck at updating this blog.

I think almost every blog post I write has an 'I'M SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED THIS BLOG IN AGES KILL ME SLAP ME YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT'
Hey, it saves me the trouble of thinking up an opening paragraph right? :)

Before writing this post, I was Google-ing Blog Themes. Why? I wanted to find a dusty, spider web covered theme for my blog because that's what it deserves, seeing it's practically prehistoric now. 

Mission status: Unsuccessful, pending further action.

Seriously though, my last post was in July 2010... and it's now FEBRUARY 2011. How did time fly by so fast? I know I have a ton of pictures but why didn't I document it properly in words?

Charlene recently told me that she re-read my blog posts on college and it made me really nostalgic, so I had the sudden urge to do that too:

I had over 60 posts in 2009, and I only started in April! Not to mention the countless unpublished drafts lying dormant at the bottom of the seabed of my blog.

I read about 10 of those 60 posts. I laughed, I teared, and I felt a pang for the old me -- the me that tried as hard as I could to document each high and each low of my life back then. Where did I go?

When did I grow so old? Why didn't I notice? And:

When did the World get so messed up?

It's like that cartoon where Sherlock Holmes' body was frozen and a gazillion years later they unfroze him with some weird technology and he woke up in an era that was completely new to him.
just in case you're interested
(side note: the theme song of that cartoon is horrible. It sticks in your head and even now 'SHERLOCK HOLMES IN THE 22ND CENTURY' is playing on Repeat in my head aaagghh)

I feel out of touch with the outside world. I don't relate to most of the songs that are being played on the radio at all (drugs, drinking, partying, sex, is that all that you people can sing about?) unless I switch to an Oldies radio station. AN OLDIES RADIO STATION. That's how old I've become. I don't relate to a lot of the newer shows on TV too, especially reality shows like Jersey Shore and The New Housewives of EVERYSINGLESTATEINAMERICA. How did shows like that get on TV anyway, and why do people watch them?

There's bad news everyday, so much bad news that it overwhelms the good and it's like the world is bursting at the seams with bad stuff.

It's like people are sidelining the things that ARE important in life and focusing on materialistic things that won't last. In the midst of everything, we tend to neglect our relationship with the only One who is matters, GOD

Confession: sometimes I get swept up in all that too.

I toyed with the idea that maybe my lack of blog posts now is co-related to my happiness level. Adelaide has been good to me, and far better than I expected BUT am I as happy now as I was in 2009? Maybe that's why I haven't documented it here as much?

Or maybe I've put 2009 up on a pedestal.

I think I need to recognize that there are different kinds of happiness, and that doesn't necessarily mean one kind is better than the other.

Adelaide has been... great. I love it there, really. Studying Law, the people I've met... Maybe I just love it in a different way? Just like my documentation method of choice now is updating my Facebook status, instead of this blog?

I think my problem is I like routines. Patterns. I like it when things stay the same -- i WANT things to stay the same. I used to tell God all the time that I didn't want to grow up, that I wished my family could stay exactly the way it is now, that no one would die. In fact one of my fears is that something will happen to them while I'm in Adelaide and i'll be left all alone
(Yes, I have a lot of fears. And phobias. AND i'm easily paranoid. I'm working on it, but it's hard)

Maybe I need to stop comparing, stop dwelling in the past, and start actually living in the present. I have amazing friends in Adelaide, just like I did in college. I love them all to bits, and they've all been a blessing to me in their own ways.

I think I worry too much. I also think this post is going nowhere, and I've asked too many rhetorical questions. My thoughts are like chap fan (economic rice): so mixed up that sometimes you can't tell WHAT you're eating. In this case, I don't have a clue where I'm going with this post.

Now I have less than a week left in Malaysia before flying off to Adelaide again to begin my second year in uni.

MY SECOND YEAR.

Two years ago, I used to think uni students were ANCIENT. Am I ancient? My brothers probably think I am haha. I've caught myself using 'During my time' quite frequently, just like my parents used to (cue gasps of horror)

I think I've matured since 2009. I may be a little less carefree, I may laugh with a little more restraint, I may be a little bit more cynical and a little less idealistic, but my horizons HAVE been broadened. Maybe that's the price you have to pay? I wish it wasn't so expensive though.

I just hope that by the time I'm 50 I won't have lost my sense of humour, OR all my hair.

I shall end this slightly emo, extremely pointless blog post on a happier note: 

Here's to new beginnings, 2011! :)

P.S. and here's to more frequent blog-updating, hopefully!